How to Recognize and Ask for Help When You Need It

First, pick a supportive person to ask. (This isn’t a task for your least-social friend.) Then, ask politely. When we ask for help, we might want to consider what our body language, posture, tone of voice, and choice of words say about us and our request. For example, if we stand in front of someone with our arms crossed over our chests, this often signals defensiveness or a lack of openness. If we slump or shrug, avoid eye contact, or point a finger, this also doesn’t invite people in. Similarly, making demands, threats, or insults—or insisting someone help us—can also be off-putting, and decrease our chances of getting support. 

I really like a treatment called Seeking Safety. Though originally designed for trauma survivors who have co-occurring PTSD and substance abuse, these are behavioral, cognitive, and people skills that have wider applicability. For example, in regards to asking for help, the method suggests that people consider starting small, practicing on safe people with simple requests. It may seem obvious, but your odds of getting a ride to a job interview or doctor’s appointment are higher than if you ask someone for money to pay this month’s rent or the next car payment.