Why Small Talk Is a Big Deal

We are conditioned to see small talk as transactional—a way of reducing people to what they do, not who they are. Those conversations “reinforce our role authority and not our own unique value,” says Wagner. “Small talk gives us an opportunity to share the breadth of our humanity with others.” 

And too often, we reduce people to labels as a means of self-preservation and protection. For instance, I very rarely speak to people who have the opposite political leaning than mine because I assume we don’t have the same values. When I was eating at a restaurant in a hotel in the Dolomites recently, an older American man started talking to me about what’s good on the menu as he was eating alone at an adjacent table. Pretty soon, our conversation headed towards immigration and politics and we realized our values were completely opposite. 

Even though we disagreed on almost everything, I know I wouldn’t ever have a conversation with someone like him had it not started with small talk. I was glad to be able to see the perspective of someone who would never be a part of my social circle. “Small talk and those brief conversations we have with strangers actually help prove that people are mostly benign and mostly interested in the world beyond themselves,” says Wagner.