How to Have More Self-Control

In addition, when the marshmallow test was administered to adults, it did not predict their functioning. That makes sense. Few of us are going to struggle with not eating a marshmallow. But if it was a more suitable enticement for adults, like a salted caramel cheesecake or immediate access to our social media or news feeds, we might. 

Angela Narayan, a clinical psychologist and associate professor at the University of Denver, conducts research and works clinically with low-income families to identify resilience processes that protect against the intergenerational transmission of trauma. I asked her how she helps support highly stressed parents to engage in effective emotion regulation, self-control, and distress tolerance.

“I encourage adults to try to notice the negative feeling in the moment—pausing and reflecting and then try to sit with it for a moment to notice how, with simple coping skills, the intensity of the feeling passes,” she said. “Even if the feeling itself doesn’t pass, it becomes weaker and less bothersome. If you ride the wave of the negative feeling, as opposed to lashing out at someone, yelling at a loved one, or sending an angry email, the worst of it will pass and you will be able to think more clearly and have better control over what to do next.”