The Most Important Part of Therapy Happens After You Leave the Therapist’s Office

Think of this phrase as a kind of positive fuel to help you get up and get through hard days.

I also tell the people I work with that no person is an island. We need others for connection and support. If we don’t have a strong network, we need to encourage ourselves to build one. Years ago, I was working with a veteran with PTSD, and he told me his goal was to get married. 

“Great,” I replied, “Do you have a girlfriend?” 

It turned out that he didn’t have a girlfriend, know any suitable partners, and rarely left his apartment. We set some steps to reach his goal: leave his apartment at least several times a week, take a community college class, attend small social gatherings where he could potentially meet appropriate partners, and ask a woman out for a coffee or to a movie. We talked about how it was impossible to meet his goal without choosing to take small steps.

When we are feeling depressed, anxious, and super stressed, we often have a tough time clearly seeing our skills, assets, strengths, and capabilities. This is also indispensable to our confidence-building. If you don’t know your strengths or are unable to see them, you can work with a therapist or a friend to identify and develop your strengths. As I tell my patients, “You have strengths, or you wouldn’t be in my office.”