We Need to Bring Back Matchmaking Our Friends

And in our modern moment of isolation, polarization, and loneliness, it is clear to me that now is a crucial time for us to bring back matchmaking for our friends. When one of my friends called me after her date to get more insight about my other friend, I was able to answer all her concerns. That couldn’t have happened if she had met a stranger on a dating app.

Dating apps have made meeting someone feel increasingly detached from the people and communities we already belong to. We swipe through strangers based on a handful of photographs and prompts, often with very little context about who they are beyond what they have chosen to present.

A friend, on the other hand, can tell you things an algorithm never could: what someone is actually like, how they treat people, whether they are kind, funny, or reliable, and whether they are compatible with you.

“Friends, especially long-term friends, know literally every nuance of who we are that an algorithm or app cannot capture. Digital mechanisms capture factual data,” says Blythe Landry, a trauma and relationship therapist. “Friends carry history, trauma narratives, inside jokes, the way our nose wrinkles when we laugh, and our favorite order at Starbucks.”